What I learned about Spanx

It’s not easy being a woman

Last night was a big event—the final black tie event of our dinner club. It was a bitter-sweet occasion, saying goodbye to friends formed over the course of the club’s 66 year run.

With due diligence, I selected the perfect shimmery, form-fitting dress and accessories to make a lasting impression. But dressing for the occasion was harder than one might think.

We, as women, carefully select hair products that promise to moisturize, detangle and add volume while adding bounce and body and smell like spring flowers on a sunny day.  Once clean and dry attention is given to taming every hair with mousse or styling gels that are not too thick or that make the hair too stiff.  We are going for the ‘au naturale’ look.

Then, comes the crowning of the face with foundations, concealers, blush, eye liners and shadows, wands of mascara that lengthen and thicken lashes, followed by just the right shade of lipstick to match the dress and nail polish.

Women have, from the beginning of time, stuffed themselves into corsets, girdles, and other under garments designed to push up, tighten, flatten or enhance the appearance of said woman.

The newest under-garment fashion craze is Spanx, designed to tuck tummies and tighten thighs. But what I’ve learned about Spanx is this: it’s like trying to stuff a cantaloupe into a banana skin. After five minutes of huffing and puffing and breaking out in beads of perspiration, I finally wriggled into said Spanx, spraining my thumb in the process. But it was all worth it when I emerged, transformed into a vision of loveliness.

Men wonder why it takes so long for their women to get ready.  Now you know—it’s a serious process.


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